Trust, Communication and Forgiveness

Do you ever make mistakes that make someone else mad? I mean like fuck up so bad in their eyes and you really had no idea it was that big of a deal?
We can hurt, damage, injure and hurt people in our lives by actions that we take and never even know it. Or you find out very quickly when they yell at you.
This happened to me today. I totally fucked up and didn’t know it. Basically this person gave me their wallet to pick up and pay for lunch for a group of us. Originally they gave me cash, then instead handed me their wallet and said just in case I didn’t give you enough.
I said ok and took off to pick up lunch. Well, the cash was short by 10 bucks, so I pulled the $100 out of his wallet and paid for lunch and put the rest of the money back in.
Now, I am very trustworthy when it comes to money. I always provide receipts and change back to people. Working in finance for 10 years made me very accountable in that regard.
What I didn’t know was that the $100 bill was for something else. No clue about it. They were PISSED. I mean yelling at me about using their money willy nilly pissed. I was stumped, shocked to say the least.
I apologized profusely.
And apologized again.
I wasn’t sure at this point what to do….
So, I sat on it. I analyzed it to see what I could have done differently. Looking back I should have initiated a conversation to find out what (if any) limits that there were because no limits were communicated to me beyond to use more if we were short. I could blame the other person. I mean, they should have said don’t use the $100. Simple and I would have acknowledged that. But I won’t blame them. They can take their ownership and I will take mine. Next time I will do better. Even though no malice or evil intentions were meant I still fucked up in their mind.
The anger, communication (or lack thereof) and the implication that I can’t be trusted hurt me. I felt bad. I cried. Feeling all the feels, truly.
Something I’ve learned from my coach is to forgive. To release it, so that I don’t become bitter and hold onto hurts that can and will only hold me back. They didn’t forgive me when I apologized, but I will forgive so to release this from my life, thoughts and energy.

Ho’oponopono goes like this.

I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you.
I love you.
Please let no barriers come between us.

Say it, write it until you mean it and feel a release.
No matter what everything in life is a lesson. Just when we think we have it all figured out there’s something else to learn. The lessons aren’t always easy or fun, but I welcome them.

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