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Business Life

Stepping Back Into Who I Am

I was a broken, dejected, lonely shell of my former self.

During the summer of 2016, I had a conversation with my coach that forever changed the trajectory of my life.

I had lost all faith in myself.

I had no confidence in my abilities.

I had to start all over and didn’t think I would be able to even scratch the surface.

I specifically remember saying that I don’t have any skills.

I had no idea what to do with myself.

I didn’t know how to start over.

You see, she saw something in me that I couldn’t see for myself.

She saw the powerful, vibrant woman that I am and that I was created to be.

She had faith in me when I couldn’t even fathom it for myself.

She knew what I was capable of even though my doubts were like giant mountains that I never thought I’d be able to overcome.

She believed in me when I had forgotten how to believe in myself.

It propelled me forward.

Those doubts stayed with me for a long time.

That faith in myself was slow to return.

That confidence she knew I had deep in my soul was still elusive.

But she kept believing.

She kept speaking into my life.

Challenging me to believe in myself.

Encouraging me to get out of my own way.

Reminding me that I was brilliant and powerful.

She stood in the gap until I could stand for myself.

I began to believe in myself again.

I began to have faith.

There was this one little but big thing.

Confidence.

It was waiting in the wings.

Hovering.

You see, when I said I had no skills.

I was lying.

To myself.

I was afraid…

Of being vulnerable, admitting my failures, of being judged, of starting over…

ONE.MORE.FUCKING.TIME.

What if I failed again?

What would she think?

What would everyone else think?

How do I face it all?

But, here’s the thing.

I’d had MASSIVE success in my past.

I’ve run multi million dollar projects, events and financial branches.

I’ve trained employees and other management positions.

I’ve sold millions of dollars in mortgage loans.

I was a top producer.

I was the most profitable event manager.

I was brilliant, skilled, talented and very successful.

But I walked away from it all because I was unhappy.

I pursued my passions instead of financial gains.

I sought out what my soul craved.

And in the eyes of the world and those around me I was failing.

I had failed.

I made choices that made me happy, but didn’t conform to standards that others had for me.

I no longer wanted to do what society required.

I wanted to be free.

But, I didn’t know how to do it.

I didn’t know how to BE free.

So, instead of owning my choices and why I made them, I made excuses.

I shrank.

I created stories and replayed them over and over to myself until I believed them wholeheartedly.

I told myself I wasn’t good enough. That I was a failure and so much worse.

I hid so much of it from the world.

I put up my walls.

I had a brilliant mask.

But the cracks were starting to show.

And by the time 2016 rolled around and I began working with my coach, the walls came tumbling down.

There was no more hiding.

It’s been quite an epic journey for the last 3 1/2 years.

I am not the woman I was then.

I’m not the woman I was a year ago.

I’m not even the woman I was 6 months ago.

This week I realized that my heart and soul were open enough to step back into that successful confident woman I was back in the day.

This time it’s different.

This time I’m happy.

This time I’m designing my life.

This time I faced my demons and won.

Working through all those old hurts, stories, traumas and lies was helpful.

But building up my belief system and my faith in myself over the last few years has been beyond powerful.

Recognizing that the talented, skilled, amazing confident woman still resided in my soul makes me unstoppable.

Working with a trusted coach and mentor has been one of the most life changing and impactful gifts I could have ever given to myself.

I’ll be forever grateful that my coach was willing to stand in the gap while I got my head out of my ass.

I couldn’t imagine a better time to release all the old stories and traumas than right now in the midst of the 12:12:12 Full Moon that we are experiencing.

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