Business Events Life

Life in 4500 Miles

Earlier this spring, I decided that I was going to do a road trip for 6 weeks or so. I had a client event that I needed to drive to, so I started planning out a journey around the event. It was going to be amazing. I knew I was going to move out of my apartment, so it seemed the perfect opportunity to feed my wanderlust and work. Plus, I planned to see friends and family along the way. Total win-win.

My intuition kicked in on a very specific piece of my journey, so I verified, double and triple checked that piece. Let’s just say my intuition was right like it always is.




They say if you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans. 

This was no laughing matter.

My trip imploded from day 1, hour 2. 

It didn’t take long for my plans to go to hell in a hand basket.

So, what do you do when it feels like the whole world is falling around you?

You adapt.

At least that’s what I do.

I shifted and redirected.

I faced the storm head on…

And I lived to tell about.

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”, they say. 

I feel stronger.

I feel more powerful.

I feel more raw.

I’m more open.

The next 3 weeks were a tumultuous ride. 

Storm clouds and sunshine.

Ups and downs.

Peaks and valleys.

Physically, emotionally, mentally, financially.

I’ve been pulled and tried and tested at every turn.

I haven’t made it out unscathed, but I made it through.

Leaning into the depth of pain.

Learning my strengths.

Owning my power.

Honoring my loss.

Accepting that I will never know the whole truth.

Even in this moment, I am still processing.

I am still shedding the hurts, doubts and questions.

I’m seeing myself in another light.

I’m giving myself grace.

Loving myself instead of judging.

As I type this, I am 24 hours away from this road trip ending. Yesterday, I drove 8 hours across the vast Nevada desert. 

Area 51 is all quiet in case you were curious 

As I drove across the vastness, I experienced my entire journey throughout the day and I reflected on the journey in every aspect.

I’ve crested 9,000 foot mountains and been on top of the world.

I’ve driven below sea level and experienced the dry, arid landscape.

I’ve driven through Monsoons and come out the other side to glorious sunshine.

I’ve driven through Death Valley, literally.

I’ve made friends, lost what I though was love, explored new opportunities for intimacy, received an outpouring of love from family and friends along the way.

I cried tears of angst and pain.

Been pissed off as fuck.

Been rescued.

Shown up for myself and others.

Honored commitments.

Hid out and hibernated..

Recharged, rested and rejuvenated my heart, soul, mind and body.

Allowed creativity to come through.

Laughed so hard I cried.

Snuggled with all the fur babies.

Slept in and stayed up late.

Nourished every part of my life with goodness.


And forgave some more.

And had to forgive even more.

Life is this incredible journey and we get to choose how we show up to it. 

It’s full of crazy storms that come flying across our path

It’s also full of sunny, calm, lay on the beach kind of days.

It’s perfectly imperfect.

And we get to choose how we move through each moment. 

We get to recognize how and why everything comes shows up in our lives.

What we are attracting and calling in.

I don’t know if I have failed or passed this test.

Is this even a pass or fail moment? 


Maybe not.

What I know is that I faced the challenges. 

I see me.

I honor me.

I love me.

I forgive me.

And now, no one’s gonna fuck with me. 

While this journey may be ending, the lessons are still being integrated.

The moments and experiences will continue to teach me about how to BE.

About how to show up.

I want to learn these lessons this one time please. 

A repeat is not necessary. 

I want to encourage you to travel. 

To journey beyond your borders and limits. 

Get outside your comfort zone.

Challenge your own status quo.

Face the storms of life.

Embrace the journey in all of it’s peaks and valleys. 

Be seen. 

Be vulnerable.

Be transparent.

It’s scary as fuck.

It’s empowering as fuck too.

Business Life

Do You See Me?

I’ve just come home from spending 4 days in the Southern California mountains in a retreat with 12 other incredible leaders. I went in with trepidation knowing I would have a choice to step into this space of vulnerability and visibility.

You see. I’ve always been the strong one. The resilient one. The one that bounces back. The one that doesn’t cry.

My claim to fame is my adaptability.

When life zigged, I zagged with apparent ease.

At least, that’s what I wanted you to think.

As I went into this retreat I knew that I would be different on the other side. I knew that I needed to be different on the other side.

I knew that for me to step into this next level of my life and business, I was going to have to bust down some walls and show you who I really am.

There is a part of me that I’ve never wanted anyone to see.

I never wanted to show the cracks in my walls.

I was afraid of being judged.

I was ashamed.

I didn’t think I was worthy.

I’d forgotten how to love myself.

I didn’t know what you would think about all of my failures.

I want to be seen and understood. Loved and accepted.

But I did’t want you to see me.

I did’t want you to see the hurts, the shame, the judgments, the weight of this burden that I have carried around.

Would you love me less?

Would you avoid me?

Would my vulnerability make you uncomfortable?

Would you shame me?

Would you judge me even more?

I was afraid of your rejection.

I was hiding behind my fear.

“What will people think of me?”

That is one fucking powerful question that holds so many of us back.

So, here I am in all of my glory; hurts, scars, failures, warts and all.

Do you see me?

I see you.

That’s what we all really want and need, right?

To be seen.

To be understood.

To be loved.


As I step into this next iteration of myself. My highest self. I am showing up for me. I honor all of me. I love me. I will care for my heart and my soul first.

Because that is true love.

I see me.

I see you.

You get to choose.

I get to choose.

I choose me.

What do you choose?

How will you show up?

Will you choose to walk away from the fears that have held you back?

Walk with me down this path.

Acknowledge your fears.

Face off with them.

Release the shame.

Release the guilt.

Release the judgment.

It only holds us back.

Release it all with me.

Let’s link arms.

Let’s rise.

Let’s step into more love.

More honor.

More truth.

For that is where we grow.

This former version of myself that played small is no longer. I am stepping into this new space ready to fulfill my vision, mission and purpose.

I will not let me failures or fear stop me.

I am bigger than they are.

Will you join me?

To change this world, we can no longer play small or BE small. We are strongest when we do the inner work. When we dive deep. When we crack our hearts wide open. When we take responsibility. When we release all the shit that has held us back.

*Side note – I encourage you to follow and connect with Ruby Fremon on all the social channels. Attending her Activation Retreat was one of the best decisions of my life. I don’t say that lightly and I don’t promote very many people or their work. I deeply trust the work that Ruby creates and you will not regret connecting and working with her.

Business Life

On My Mind

I’ve written 3 different incomplete blog posts tonight in one document as I have so much on my mind and it’s all flowing, but none of it makes a lick of sense together and I literally said out loud to myself, “What’s the point?” 


I want to tell you about how I do this thing and withdraw from social media because I just don’t give a fuck about it and then I want to share a simple update on my health (no pity wanted/needed) and then I want to tell you how random this month has been. <<< Yes, that was a run on sentence for all of my grammar nazi’s out there. I want to remind you that we need to stop “shoulding” all over each other and ourselves. I also want to remind you that people around you are going through some serious shit in their lives and we really have an opportunity to practice more grace, love and kindness.


So, here I am tonight trying to articulate all the things. Maybe that “should’ encompass it all, but maybe I can figure out how to tie these thoughts together. 


Are you game for this bit of randomness that is about to ensue? Here’s what’s on my mind….


Piece of Randomness #1


I do this thing. 


I withdraw.


I withdraw from being present on social media. I do it regularly. My coaches and my friends in the online space tell me I need to be consistent with my content. I don’t disagree.


But I still withdraw. 


I simply don’t care to be present online when it feels like work. When I have to show up because that’s what the “social media construct” says that I have to do. I show up for things I love and am passionate about. Social media is not one of those things.


So, I withdraw.


You see, I simply don’t care what the social media “rules” are. I know from a business perspective what works and what doesn’t work. I have great social media pros around me. I tell clients what they need to be doing for social.And oh the irony, as I work with clients on all their strategies for marketing, visibility, communications. It all has a large amount of social. When it comes to my own personal social accounts, I couldn’t give 2 fucks, much less 1 most days. 


Am I a hypocrite?


You may think yes, but I will have to disagree. 


We get to choose. 


Each and every day we get to choose how we show up, what we do, how we be, what we wear, say, eat, etc, etc. As a human BEing with that powerful knowledge and ability of choice, I have chosen to not be so present on all these platforms. 


I may one day regret it, but I can’t really see that happening.


This may or may not be a permanent choice. Either way, I know that I will be ok with it because I chose it. It was not forced upon me. 


I’m really choosing more and more where I want to be present and more often than not social is not really that place. I know that for business it would be good for me to stay consistent, but I think it’s time I really figure out why I am on social media and what do I want out of it. 


You know what’s great?


How I show up or don’t show up on social media has ZERO impact on my clients. What matters is how I show up for my clients in person. It matters how present I am to their needs, vision and goals.


Piece of Randomness #2


October has been this very interesting month for me. Quiet, peaceful, a deep lull, lots of rest, lots of surrender, lots of meditation with my favorite playlist, lots of BEing, an underlying desire to DO. I really have wanted to do so much, but I physically and energetically couldn’t. 


Initially, I tried to force things to happen and that backfired on me, so I very quickly shifted to ease. Ease and flow has been my thing all year. I lost it for a few months this summer, but got it back in late September. Even as I write this, trying to articulate how this month has been on an energetic and spiritual level is difficult. The month was not difficult though. I feel like I’ve been in total surrender. I’m allowing things to happen or not happen and staying in a space of peace and ease. 


I’ve been super tapped into one of my new favorite groups called Beautiful Chorus and today as I was listening to a song called “I am connected”, I realized how deeply I am connected to myself right now. More than I have been in a long time. I was pretty fucking proud of myself, to be honest. I wouldn’t always acknowledge and love myself for these moments and realizations before. 


While all of this has been going on, my health stuff has flared up because I still have moments where I am overdoing it. You see, what most of you don’t know is that more days than I care to admit I am sleeping 14-16 hours a day. My body is EXHAUSTED. I can barely keep my eyes open. Only a few close friends and my coaches and mentors have known the depth of this stuff. I’ve been showing up and being present and then coming home and literally crashing. 


This is fucking hard. It goes against everything that I have been and do in my life. I’ve always been high functioning, but I have to admit; I was burning the candle at both ends. My DOing self is an over achiever to the highest degree. I have literally burnt myself out. There are people in my life who think I am lazy because I need to rest so much, so I have kept it close to the vest. I simply haven’t wanted or needed the judgment or opinions. 


I’d love to be able to say that I am past all of this, but I am in the middle of healing my body. It’s a process and a journey that I will continue on until I am healed. 


Here I am. All of me. Vulnerable. Raw. Open. Real. 


Piece of Randomness #3


September was SUPER stressful and sad. Full of death and grief. Full of angst and worry. Full of setbacks in my health, life and work. September was the end of a 90 day stretch of travel, major heartbreak, massive breakthroughs and so much love. I drove to LA for a 4 day retreat in mid-September that changed my soul and my trajectory. 


We all have stories that we tell ourselves. We have been selling ourselves a bunch of bullshit and lies. This is me raising my hand admitting that I’m still telling myself stories today. I just catch them quicker. 


I have faced so many layers of my stories, but there was one that was so deep that I never looked for it. I thought it was fear. Then I thought it was rejection. They were both present, but there was something deeper I needed to uncover and face. 


I didn’t love myself.


I couldn’t even say it out loud. 


Even typing it now it brings tears to my eyes to share this. This is deeply personal. 


I have faced some awful, evil, malicious shit that was dished out to me and over time I stopped loving myself. I stopped feeling worthy and good enough. I wasn’t deserving. I was ashamed. Embarrassed. Judging myself so very harshly.


I have so much love to give. I gave it freely to others, but I withheld it from myself. Going into this retreat, my goal was to love myself when I came out of it. This retreat was amazing, but it required devotion to peeling back the layers and facing your shit. 


I’m always fascinated and surprised at the layers that we keep uncovering as we dive deeper into our souls. Just when we think we’ve dealt with an old story or layer, a new and different light is shed on it from another angle. 


This life is full of growth and lessons. I will continue to be willing to grow and learn on this journey.


Looking back at October I think that part of my lesson this month has been about self love. Allowing myself grace. Allowing myself to BE in the moments. To remember to be in ease and flow. To give forgiveness….to myself. 


I am love. I love me. I love you.

Photo taken by me in East Mesa, AZ – Aug 2019

Business Life

Stepping Back Into Who I Am

I was a broken, dejected, lonely shell of my former self.

During the summer of 2016, I had a conversation with my coach that forever changed the trajectory of my life.

I had lost all faith in myself.

I had no confidence in my abilities.

I had to start all over and didn’t think I would be able to even scratch the surface.

I specifically remember saying that I don’t have any skills.

I had no idea what to do with myself.

I didn’t know how to start over.

You see, she saw something in me that I couldn’t see for myself.

She saw the powerful, vibrant woman that I am and that I was created to be.

She had faith in me when I couldn’t even fathom it for myself.

She knew what I was capable of even though my doubts were like giant mountains that I never thought I’d be able to overcome.

She believed in me when I had forgotten how to believe in myself.

It propelled me forward.

Those doubts stayed with me for a long time.

That faith in myself was slow to return.

That confidence she knew I had deep in my soul was still elusive.

But she kept believing.

She kept speaking into my life.

Challenging me to believe in myself.

Encouraging me to get out of my own way.

Reminding me that I was brilliant and powerful.

She stood in the gap until I could stand for myself.

I began to believe in myself again.

I began to have faith.

There was this one little but big thing.


It was waiting in the wings.


You see, when I said I had no skills.

I was lying.

To myself.

I was afraid…

Of being vulnerable, admitting my failures, of being judged, of starting over…


What if I failed again?

What would she think?

What would everyone else think?

How do I face it all?

But, here’s the thing.

I’d had MASSIVE success in my past.

I’ve run multi million dollar projects, events and financial branches.

I’ve trained employees and other management positions.

I’ve sold millions of dollars in mortgage loans.

I was a top producer.

I was the most profitable event manager.

I was brilliant, skilled, talented and very successful.

But I walked away from it all because I was unhappy.

I pursued my passions instead of financial gains.

I sought out what my soul craved.

And in the eyes of the world and those around me I was failing.

I had failed.

I made choices that made me happy, but didn’t conform to standards that others had for me.

I no longer wanted to do what society required.

I wanted to be free.

But, I didn’t know how to do it.

I didn’t know how to BE free.

So, instead of owning my choices and why I made them, I made excuses.

I shrank.

I created stories and replayed them over and over to myself until I believed them wholeheartedly.

I told myself I wasn’t good enough. That I was a failure and so much worse.

I hid so much of it from the world.

I put up my walls.

I had a brilliant mask.

But the cracks were starting to show.

And by the time 2016 rolled around and I began working with my coach, the walls came tumbling down.

There was no more hiding.

It’s been quite an epic journey for the last 3 1/2 years.

I am not the woman I was then.

I’m not the woman I was a year ago.

I’m not even the woman I was 6 months ago.

This week I realized that my heart and soul were open enough to step back into that successful confident woman I was back in the day.

This time it’s different.

This time I’m happy.

This time I’m designing my life.

This time I faced my demons and won.

Working through all those old hurts, stories, traumas and lies was helpful.

But building up my belief system and my faith in myself over the last few years has been beyond powerful.

Recognizing that the talented, skilled, amazing confident woman still resided in my soul makes me unstoppable.

Working with a trusted coach and mentor has been one of the most life changing and impactful gifts I could have ever given to myself.

I’ll be forever grateful that my coach was willing to stand in the gap while I got my head out of my ass.

I couldn’t imagine a better time to release all the old stories and traumas than right now in the midst of the 12:12:12 Full Moon that we are experiencing.

Business Life Operations


Trust: a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something

As the CEO of your business you see the big picture, you know the direction of your vision and yet you are overloaded with all of the work. 

It’s hard to let go and trust someone to carry our vision forward. To let someone share your burden and allow you to step into your next level of creativity and service.

This is the challenge. 

To trust. 

To lean in and know that you can trust yourself and trust your team to support the vision and mission.

To trust that they have your back.

To trust that you won’t fail them and they won’t fail you.

To trust a new process.


It’s huge.

It’s heavy.

It’s scary.

When you can step into it though, it’s worth it.

It’s like taking that leap out of the plane and praying to God and the heavens above that your parachute opens.

There is that moment you pull the ripcord with the question in the back of your mind… “Will it open?”

When it opens you are able to release that lurking fear of falling to your death and know that the leap was worth it. 

I have been experiencing this struggle of trust myself lately. 

The question I have been leaning into lately is….

How much do I trust myself?

I have made some decisions in my business recently that were big for me. I hired TWO new team members on my team.

While it may not seem like a big deal to many, this was a huge deal for me. 

After I onboarded my team I felt the release, excitement, and space that I gave myself.

Why didn’t I trust myself? 

Here’s why…

We’re in the middle of a global crisis and I’m making a decision to grow my business. That’s a HUGE leap of faith and trust in myself. 

But you see, there is a back story. 

Isn’t there always?

I’ve had staff before. I loved having a team. Working together, delegation, innovation, creativity. All of those things are amazing when you have a team.

The last time I had a full team and not just outsourcing to contractors was back from 2005-2007. Right before the full crash of 2008. 

Before the crash hit the full marketplace, it hit my industry a year early. We suffered major casualties and my business took a hit which caused me to layoff my staff and close the doors of my business

It sucked.

I hated laying off my team.

It hurt my heart.

I had committed to them and they had committed to me.

I was not prepared for that crisis.

So, here I sit this month in the midst of a global pandemic, buried in work up to my eyeballs, full of gratitude and scared that if I hire someone I’ll have a replay of my past.

I knew that I knew that I knew I needed to hire my team so that I could give myself some relief and better serve my clients in the long run. 

So, I did took the leap. 

I’m re-learning to trust myself.

Where are you struggling with delegating, scaling your business and trust? 

I challenge you to be curious about your level of trust and learn to lean into it. Growth is exponential when you can trust. 

If you’re ready to scale your business to the next level and are looking for the next steps, let’s set up a time to chat. Shoot me a message and my communications manager will send you my calendar link.


This Journey Called Life

There are moments in our lives when we look back at them we see them as pivotal and they changed the path we traveled. Those moments can be sad, happy, amazing, devastating. They can catapult us in a new direction, but we do have a say in how we handle these moments and what the path before us can look like.
I can look back on life and see specifically a half dozen moments in life that changed my life. I know there are more if I were to look deeper. I’ll leave that for my coaching sessions.
As I sit here today, I know that I never imagined this point in my life. Don’t get me wrong life is not bad.
When I was a little girl, I bought into the fantasy of being married for 50 years to the love of my life with 2.5 kids and a house with a white picket fence. A perfect life. Whoever sold us that fantasy really messed up. There is NO perfect. Or is there?
What if I said my life WAS perfect just as it is?
My dad breaking his back when I was 12, marrying my highschool sweetheart at 19, divorcing that said sweetheart at 26, starting a business, losing a business, a miscarriage, starting another business, mom fighting cancer, traveling the globe and all the diversions, celebrations, and moments in between. The friends gained and lost. The births. The deaths. The tears. The joy. The successes. The losses. The pain. The hurt. The betrayal. The gratitude. The happiness. The adventure.
What if all that IS perfect just as it is?
They say that you only live once. YOLO. But I lean more towards, you only die once. I live life every single day. It doesn’t always look or feel perfect, but I am living an amazing journey. The woman I am today is unrecognizable to my 12 year old self, even to my 25 year old self. I’ve not done everything that I thought I would do and I’ve also done SO much more than I ever imagined.
I can’t compare my life to anyone else. I’m walking in my own shoes and no one else’s. Walking in someone else’s shoes isn’t always as desirable as we may think it is. We hear and see a lot of picture perfect lives on social media, or what appears to be picture perfect. Remember looks can be deceiving. When I traveled in 2017, I received lots of comments and messages from friends and curious observers about how awesome my life looked and how they wish they had my life.
They had no idea of the daily challenges and struggles I went through traveling the globe. Please don’t feel sorry for me. I traveled the globe for 8 months and it was incredible, but it was not without challenges. It was far from perfect, but it was my journey.
I’ve learned over the last few years to really take hold of life more than ever and just go for it. I’ve always been fearless, but I’ve grown into another level of myself that is more aware, more loving, more adventurous, more committed, more forgiving…just more. I also find my tolerance level for bullshit has gone to ZERO, nil, nada…like don’t even try to pull something on me. I don’t put up with petty nonsense. You can take your petty bullshit and don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out of my life. ZERO TOLERANCE.
Even the bullshit is perfect, right?
I put up with a lot of it for a very long time in my life. I wanted to please people. I thought I had to show up a certain way. I was too much for some people and not enough for others. I finally learned that I needed to figure out who I was; who I wanted to be and then once found, NEVER let it go.
The woman I am today is because through it all, I thrived. I blossomed. I weathered the seasons of life. I’m like the caterpillar who has finally become a beautiful butterfly. I’m strong, delicate and beautiful inside and out.
This journey called life is… PERFECTLY imperfect.
I want to encourage you to look at life through a different lense. You are perfect just where you are in this moment.


I’m Only Human

I’m human and I procrastinate.
Don’t get me wrong. I get a TON of things accomplished.
My clients are happy.
My proposals are sent.
My content is written.
My house is clean.
My laundry is done.
You get the point. I’m on top of my work in life and business.
So, what do I procrastinate on?
I avoid the hard things. The things in my subconscious that force me to face off with myself. I have a couple of coaches and a Mastermind group that are all soul/business based which means we dive beyond the action steps and doing the work in business. We also have a spiritual, mindful, soulful practices that help me be a better person; be more aware and conscious with all things in my life.
This means that there are personal things, past and present, tucked deep in my subconscious that I get to face off with. It’s not always pleasant and it can be hard.
Hard to open up.
Hard to acknowledge something.
Hard to face off with myself.
So, I avoid it. I intentionally look for other things to DO rather than BE in the moment and grow past whatever has come up.
I hardcore procrastinate when if I only faced off with that thing it would be over and I’d be on to the next. Instead I make it hard for myself.
I’m human and I’m a work in progress.
Two years ago I wouldn’t have even seen or acknowledged my avoidance. Today I see it immediately and more often than not I’ll work through what shows up, but there are times where it’s just to great for my conscious mind to work through.
When  I find myself in this situation I reach out to my coaches and ask for support. They know and love me and show up in a big way to help me. It still may take time to work through it, but I know I’ve got someone who has my back and will help me.
Recognizing my shortcomings and weaknesses and asking for help makes me be better each and every day. I’m perfectly imperfect, and I show up every day asking for help to be the best version of myself.
I still procrastinate and I laugh at myself when I recognize it. I don’t beat myself up. I laugh because I’m learning and growing.
I love myself regardless of my faults.
I’m only human.

Business Events Life

Finding My Passion

Ten years ago I stumbled upon events.
I had spent the previous 10 years in the world of finance and lending. I managed portfolios of $5-10 million dollars. I prepped and passed corporate, state and federal audits that occurred on a regular basis.
I was REALLY excellent at what I did. Management, HR, staff training, sales, marketing, customer service, budgets, reconciliation, organization, and so much more. I was so good, that I became the manager that mentored all the new managers as they came up. The stress was indescribable.
I never realized my value and worth.
I hated my job. No matter how good I was, I was never good enough and it didn’t change my dislike of my work. Long story short, the market tanked and I happily jumped out of it.
For about a year I floated around looking for something different. Every opportunity that showed up was back in sales, finance, lending or insurance.
It was NOT what I wanted.
One day my chiropractor told me that the company next door to her office was hiring. It was an ad agency. They were looking for a marketing/event manager. I had no experience in events and was clueless about branding and advertising.
Still I wanted the job. I faked my way through the interview and became the new event manager. I learned very quickly.
I adapt like nobody’s business.
Within 60 days I was running $150,000 to $1million dollar events, working with VP’s and other marketing executives from brands like Pepsi, Disney, Jeep, Wal-Mart, Aveeno, HBO, John Frieda and so many more.
I carried my skills from my previous finance and management into this job. I loved the work. It was massively high stress which I knew how to handle from my previous career. I showed up in excellence, but I was never truly valued. I was another cog in the proverbial corporate wheel.
Today, I carry the depth of the past 20 years of experience into my strategy sessions and production for my clients. Events don’t stress me out. You can’t throw me anything I’ve never seen.
I LOVE events. We use over use the word love these days, so let me sum up this feeling. 
Creating events fills my soul. I’m at my happiest and most fulfilled when I am in creation mode. Being able to take a vision or dream and create if from nothing is pure magic. The impact and ripple effect of the human interaction is powerful on such a deep level that if you aren’t paying attention you might miss it. I look for it. That ripple is truly what events is about for me.
Are you ready to discuss your next event? Let’s set up a time to chat.

Business Life

I Grew Up in Amway

I grew up in Amway.
You’re first reaction I can already hear it…. Amway???
And see that cringe on your face? I knew it was coming.
As the oldest of 4 children I experienced quite a bit of the Amway scene as a child and young adult.
I’m not going to sit here and bash the company. I don’t really care if you like it or not. I want to share some of the positive things I picked up as a kid.
Please, I could have been subjected to worse environments…you know like crack house and pimps. See Amway’s not so bad now, huh?
I digress.
I spent a lot of time around different meetings and conferences. I grew up reading Charles Capps, Norman Vincent Peale. I met the Devos family at one point. I was shown a positive outlook on life. I was given some insight into owning your own business.
Products. Clients. Sales. Follow up. Fulfillment. Delivery. Meetings. Presentations. And more.
My parents were trying to create more opportunity for themselves and more income. Who can begrudge anyone that hope and dream?
Certainly not I.
I’m the only one of my siblings that is an entrepreneur.
I’m the only one who has jumped off a cliff, taken the chance, embraced the risk more than once and rode the wind of success or failure.
And I’m still here.
I haven’t thrown in the towel. I’m still pursuing my dream. I’m out there putting myself on the line every day saying I’m here.
I own my struggle and lessons.
I back in my success and glory.
I rise.
I fall.
And I rise again.

I learned….
Personal Development.
Overcoming Obstacles.
Managing People.
Leading People.
How to Sell.
Open Ended Questions.
Month End Close.
Making Orders.
Taking Orders.
Fulfilling Orders.
Basic Accounting.

But I also learned….
Power in Reading.
Relationship Building.
How to talk to People.
How to Share a Story.
How to be Relatable.
My parents journey wasn’t always easy, but I learned so much. My foundation was forever set. No matter how much I fall.

I will always rise.




I had a conversation with one of the incredible, powerful women in my circles recently and it sparked some old memories. She is working with women on removing co-dependency from their lives and showing them how to stand in their power in all of their relationships, but especially their marriages.
It took me back to my marriage and how my ex-husband and I were. I’ve done lots of forgiveness work, so I don’t harbor any ill will or emotions. I have an awareness now that I never had before.
Our conversation took me back to how codependent I really was, how much I lived my life on autopilot and how I lost my independence in my marriage.
I was a young and naive 19 year old when I got married. When we are that age, we know EVERYTHING.
I for sure thought I did.
My ex and I were young and untouchable. We had good jobs and we were chasing the American Dream. Over the years, we made more money, bought more stuff, bigger stuff and then a house to put all that stuff in.
I didn’t know it then, but I was on autopilot in my life. I was doing what society tells us to do. Get a good job, buy a bunch of crap, buy a house, get into debt. I never stopped to evaluate what we were doing, or better; what I was doing.
I was working in an industry that I hated. We had tied ourselves into our lifestyle. I had to get up and go to a job that I didn’t like every day. My days rolled into weeks and then into years. Get up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch some tv, go to bed. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
I didn’t pursue any passions. Wait… let me be clear.. I didn’t have any passions anymore. I left those all at the altar.
At one point shortly before my marriage ended I had left one job and I had a glimmer of hope that I might be able to pursue something that I loved.
No luck. My environment and what we had created was not conducive to pursuing anything I was passionate about. I had to go back into the career that I hated and I resented it.
My ex and I had created a level of communication that did not allow me to speak up or stand up for what I wanted or believed in. I was the wife, he was the husband and that was that. He called the shots. I was not my own person. I was the wife of him. Now before you get your panties in a wad, he was not a bad guy. He’s still not a bad guy. It’s just how we were raised. It’s all that we knew.
Today I know better.
When I was married I had no idea what standing in my power was. I was not consciously aware of anything. I was just like everyone else; trying to get by day by day and thinking it was all ok.
When my ex found someone else to have a relationship with, I was blindsided. I had been so deep in my autopilot status that I missed the signs. I knew we had issues because what relationship doesn’t have bumps in the road. I just never expected to get bumped from my marriage.
I thought my life was over at 25. Ha! Over! I was still young and naive.
Since that time I have grown; I have learned; I have surrounded myself with powerful women who I admire. I do not tolerate bullshit. I move through each day with purpose, regardless of how easy or hard it is. I walk through my life with an awareness that I wish I could teach my younger self. I’m still learning. I still forget that I am amazing, powerful, beautiful, wanted, and all that and a bag of chips.
The difference today… I receive phone calls and messages from people in my life who are on the same path or are walking ahead of me on this path and they remind me….daily….that I am a powerful woman.
Are you standing in your power or are you on autopilot in your life?